TALLOW WRESTLING EXPLAINED,  FOR THE UNWISE,  THE UNWITTING AND THE PLAIN,  FULL ON WARPED,  LIKE THE REST OF THE LUNATICS THAT HANG AROUND ME.

Written Thursday 13/08/2009

Well the concept,  as ugly as it is continues to grow.  First email off the rank this morning from the Red Baron,  wanting to team up with The Grub,  in an inaugural tag team tallow death  match against The Nighthawke and The Silver Fox,  at TallowFest 09.  Awesome stuff.  The Grub,  a newcomer today,  is I am reliably informed by the Red Baron,  a mad keen Tallow Bandit.  I am told he laps a tepid bowl of Tallow at breakfast time,  but more on that when we go to the diet of a tallow wrestler,  but, as an example,  the other day I was horrified to have dropped under 100 kilos,  so I went out and made my self a couple of ice ream and potato chip sandwiches,  with lashings of margarine (for the tallow content) and gravy,  and dipped in boiling tallow,  all for the calorie content.

This morning I turn up at work and you wouldn't believe it,  a massive unit there driving his truck,  about 5 feet 8,  a head like a freshly polished bowling ball,  a big one,  and proudly telling me he is ready to roll in tallow,  and that he tips the scales at 156 kilos,  this is sterling work.  He has been named Uncle Fester.  Not attractive,  but you don't have to be,  in fact we love ugly here in the world of tallow wrestling.

The Silver Fox is very keen to maintain anonymity,  so I am working on getting him a nice little lime green mask.  I will allow it,  not completely nude,  but I will allow it.  A guy emailed me today and wanted to have his match wearing a Collingwood uniform,  two problems,  not nude and who the hell is Collingwood??

OK today we got some names happening,  and  this is the troupe to date:

1. Tallow Dave

2. Tallow Mal

3. Pablo Esco Fat (Used to be known as the 150 kilo Colombian)

4. Jungle Love

5. The NightHawke

6. The Red Baron

7. The Silver Fox

8. Mr Fatastic

9. The Fatlete

10. Uncle Fester

11. Mammal Fat Mick (Current Heavyweight World Champion)

12. Golden Rod

13. The Keg (allegedly more waves of beautiful billowing grey hair than the Silver Fox)

The next match up is Mammal Fat Mick up against Pablo Esco Fat in a Flaming Tallow match for the World Heavyweight Championship.  Should be big,  as tallow is nice and flammable,  burns nice and slowly,  coupled with hair,  we have no idea what will happen,  but we are prepared to try it an push the envelope anyway,  and the pain barrier.

What a concept ladies,  gentlemen and various other weirdos that for some reason have made tallow wrestling your chosen sport.

All you wrestlers need to work on your entrance music,  I have chosen "When the War is Over" by Cold Chisel;  there have been plenty of good suggestions from my marketing man and fellow wrestler,  The Fatlete.  He is also my legal man in the proceedings.

The Fatlete is composing rules for the wrestling,  but I am all for no holds barred,  no rules,  anything goes action and competition.

It is unstoppable people,  and tallow will become priced out of reach in the stockfeed and biodiesel games due to the demand placed upon supply by this tallow wrestling concept.

IF IT IS WORTH DOING,  IT IS WORTH DOING NUDE