THE COMMANDMENTS OF TALLOW WRESTLING

Written Friday 14/08/2009

1. All competitors must be naked from the neck down.  Masks and other suitable head attire are allowed with permission of the World Tallow Wrestling Authority © (WTWA). 
2. Steroid use is permitted.  For those competitors weighing less than 110kg, steroid use is compulsory.
3. All competitors must have a hair coverage ratio of 80-90% of their total body surface area.  Competitors who do not meet this requirement must seek special dispensation from the WTWA.  Consideration will be given to those wrestlers who show potential in other crucial elements of the sport.
4. Matches consist of one continuous round – the winner being determined by either their opponents submission, knocking out their opponent or killing their opponent. 
5. Competitors will be paid as per the Agricultural Stores Award.  Bonuses may be paid in title bouts.  External party sponsorship is permitted.
6. The wrestling enclosure is to be a standard 5 x 5 mete wading pool.  2 Cubic metres of tallow is to be poured into the enclosure prior to or during the match.
7. Before a competitor is allowed to compete in a Flaming Tallow Match ©, they must first show certified proof that: appropriate legal arrangements have been made for their estate; they have full private health insurance cover; and sign the appropriate waiver document removing all liability from the WTWA and all associated corporate bodies and entities.
8. The use of ancillary and extra curricular incendiary devices is encouraged for those participants in a Flaming Tallow match,  including the crowd.  Management particularly recommends devices like Oxygen/Acetylene welding equipment for a bright,  colourful and metal cutting hot flame.
9. The use of any object in the nearby vicinity of the pool is permitted.
10. Foul play is permitted and is encouraged.
11. No referee will be afforded to any title bout – victor will be decided by public opinion.  In the absence of a satisfactory result the Chairman of the WTWA may use his discretionary power of veto to alter the result.
12. Any competitor who intentionally punctures the wading pool, risks drowning by tallow.
13. No smoking in the tallow pool,  unless there is involvement in a Flaming Tallow Match (see Clause 7)

More Laws to follow as we see them being required.

“Mr Fatastic” 

CHAIRMAN

IF IT IS WORTH DOING,  IT IS WORTH DOING NUDE